11 Comments
Nov 15, 2022Liked by Sam Wilson

Congratulations on making it to 30 weeks Sam! What an achievement!

I just finished Matthew Perrys book last night Sam, I think you will like it. He gives great insight into addiction and the reasons for drug and alcohol addiction.

I want to finish by reminding you to be kind to yourself :). It's okay to get stressed, it's okay to feel vulnerable, it's okay to be late and it's definitely okay to have the temptation for a drink, stressed or not. Awareness is key and you're all over coming up with strategies to help you.

Expand full comment

I reckon you could explain that article in a clearer and more entertaining than it's author can

Expand full comment
author

Huge, mate. I have to admit that I was naive enough to think that simply getting sober would do a lot of the work for me. It wasn't until I started back with my psych that I started to understand that I have conditioned myself to deal with things the wrong way for my entire life. So it's going to take a fair bit of work to undo that. It's like standing at the bottom of a mountain with a slow-moving fire sneaking up behind you. You just have to be patient, take one step at a time and stop here and there to look back down at the progress you've made.

Mate I can't pretend to understand what it must have been like for you in both scenarios. I do know though, since becoming a father, my fear of my own mortality and now his is much more present.

I think that's the ultimate paradox in life. Everyone says "don't worry about what you can't control". Like dude, why would I worry about something I can control? I would simply control it completely. I can't control the RBA and their interest rate rises, but am I worried about the effect they could have on me and my family, of course, I fuckin' am! I'm not a psychopath! I guess my point is we all want to control as many things in our lives as we possibly can. But the reality is, we control so little of what goes on in our lives. I prefer the angle of, focusing on what you can control as much as you can. I think if you adopt that, through repetitions, we can build a greater trust in the universe (or whatever) that things will fall into place.

Yeah, I've always dodged stress, or anything negative. As I said at the top, it's bloody hard to undo and re-navigate now in my mid-fuckin'-30's, but I have to do it, for mine and my family's sake. I think you're spot on in regards to finding a way to choose the pain that is worth enduring. Like with running, if the goal is to lose weight, you have to endure the pain of running for a longer period of time. If you deem the weight loss worth the pain, you will find a way to do it. The challenge is distinguishing it. I think what I'm finding through all of this "journey" is that a lot of these pains are easier dealt with or even mostly avoidable if we can identify the risks sooner and nip them in the bud a step before we have been. Ultimately working towards preventative maintenance over repair.

100% mate. I love the way all of this seems to be working. It's mutually beneficial for all involved and without sounding too airy-fairy I think it's pretty special. I just want to be open about it all because I want more people to see the benefit of creating these safe spaces to have these kinds of conversations because they have helped me so fuckin' much.

Expand full comment

Getting in a headspace to get to the root causes and being able to recognise stress. This pursuit and ability are massive aren't they?

100% the biggest traumas I've had are my parents deaths, one where I think I could have had an influence, and the other where I had no control. I think the reason I was hit so hard when my Mum was diagnosed because it taught me that you don't have control, life will hit you when it wants to... which when you know the pain associated can be quite frightening.

I've thought my struggles might be a fear of death and they might still be, but they could also be a fear of losing control of what can happen. I was lucky enough to realise this stress recently when as R4R has been growing, the question of duty of care popped up again... It stressed me out because it's something I can't control but something I might be responsible for... I was able to recognise it, identify what I need to do to explore it, then action the advice from some lawyers. Frustratingly, the slight concern of a potential lawsuit hangs because you can never predict what some crazy fool might do, but all signs point to a good outcome for me and R4R.

A younger me would have tried to avoid this stress, but through blogs like yours and heaps of others, that muscle of going... right, what does this stress represent? and also understanding that you can't avoid pain and that there is true meaning in choosing which pains are worth it. Using stress as a warning sign and accepting that it will always be there in some capacity, but that it makes up part of what makes life feel so good... 50 cent...

Slowly but surely, I feel as though we're all moving towards a greater understanding, and we're enjoying the process as well.

Expand full comment