Raising children has evolved a lot since our parent raised us. We know so much more now than they did and than what their parents knew.
When children are involved in a scary or unsafe situation its often assumed that they will forget it. It's fascinating that for babies who are not get verbal, their memories are in sights, smells and sounds and they can trigger them on their childhood, adolescence and adulthood.
Back then it was genuinely thought that having a clingy child was a bad thing and that it's good for them to go to childcare but sometimes it has the opposite effect of creating a fear of abandonment or worse the child is so used to it they disassociate.
I don't have children yet, but I love my niece and nephews like my own and have also listened to stories where child rearing has triggered childhood trauma their brain had suppressed.
One thing I struggle to cop though is when people say "oh don't worry, they won't remember this". On the surface, it's true. But the path kids are led down starts so much earlier than when they're first capable of remembering things.
Just because he won't remember this when he's older doesn't mean he doesn't remember. Otherwise how would he know that it's me every arvo when i get home? How does he recognise his favourite toys etc.
I think this period of his life is as crucial as any and although he mightn't remember specifics when he is older, by this age he is already being shaped into the adult he will become.
Yep! I recently read a book called Raising compassionate and resilient children by Marion Rose and Lael Stone. Very insightful. I was already a big follower of Lael but started following Marion and she has some interesting posts (which is where I saw the birth trauma being traumatic for mum and baby, we just assume because they have no idea what's going on that they are unaffected). I feel exposing this information to our parents though might make them feel like they did it wrong and therefore they may not be open to receiving it.
I can’t forgive them because they haven’t done anything wrong. I hope it doesn’t come across like I’m bitter, because I’m genuinely not. They did an exceptional job and at times I put them through the ringer. It’s just important for me to understand what lead me to this point to help me keep moving forward.
When my parents did something that triggered me in the past, I learned it was a sign that I hadn't truly forgiven them for something and was still blaming them for that thing instead of taking responsibility and focusing on doing the hard work of improving
Yeah, I think in this instance it just took me off guard a little bit. Maybe triggered was the wrong word.
Ultimately, nothing they did drove me to knowingly make a poor decision. Nor is it relevant to the position I find myself in today, good or bad. I’m 34, I know it’s my responsibility.
Raising children has evolved a lot since our parent raised us. We know so much more now than they did and than what their parents knew.
When children are involved in a scary or unsafe situation its often assumed that they will forget it. It's fascinating that for babies who are not get verbal, their memories are in sights, smells and sounds and they can trigger them on their childhood, adolescence and adulthood.
Back then it was genuinely thought that having a clingy child was a bad thing and that it's good for them to go to childcare but sometimes it has the opposite effect of creating a fear of abandonment or worse the child is so used to it they disassociate.
I don't have children yet, but I love my niece and nephews like my own and have also listened to stories where child rearing has triggered childhood trauma their brain had suppressed.
The brain is so fascinating!
Agree with everything you've said.
One thing I struggle to cop though is when people say "oh don't worry, they won't remember this". On the surface, it's true. But the path kids are led down starts so much earlier than when they're first capable of remembering things.
Just because he won't remember this when he's older doesn't mean he doesn't remember. Otherwise how would he know that it's me every arvo when i get home? How does he recognise his favourite toys etc.
I think this period of his life is as crucial as any and although he mightn't remember specifics when he is older, by this age he is already being shaped into the adult he will become.
Yep! Babies and children remember more than what we realise and every stage of their life is just as important as the rest.
Apparently children can be traumatised from their own birth too.
Yeah right. Makes sense. Especially when some are strangled by their own cords etc.
Yep! I recently read a book called Raising compassionate and resilient children by Marion Rose and Lael Stone. Very insightful. I was already a big follower of Lael but started following Marion and she has some interesting posts (which is where I saw the birth trauma being traumatic for mum and baby, we just assume because they have no idea what's going on that they are unaffected). I feel exposing this information to our parents though might make them feel like they did it wrong and therefore they may not be open to receiving it.
Great blog mate and time to forgive your parents. They did the best they could based on their up bringing.
I can’t forgive them because they haven’t done anything wrong. I hope it doesn’t come across like I’m bitter, because I’m genuinely not. They did an exceptional job and at times I put them through the ringer. It’s just important for me to understand what lead me to this point to help me keep moving forward.
When my parents did something that triggered me in the past, I learned it was a sign that I hadn't truly forgiven them for something and was still blaming them for that thing instead of taking responsibility and focusing on doing the hard work of improving
Yeah, I think in this instance it just took me off guard a little bit. Maybe triggered was the wrong word.
Ultimately, nothing they did drove me to knowingly make a poor decision. Nor is it relevant to the position I find myself in today, good or bad. I’m 34, I know it’s my responsibility.