February Recap- The Simple Things

The process of writing this one served as a good reminder of what really matters...

Mar 09, 2023

G’day, legends.

Somehow it’s that time of the month again. Somehow, summer is over, and we’re already a week into Autumn and the month of March.

I wanted to do this one last week. However, I felt it was more important to write about the passing of Justin Cordy, who took his own life in The Alexander Maconachie Centre in Canberra on Sunday, February 26th (read it here)

As always, this one is all about me! Kidding. I do this every month because, through sobriety, I have learned the value of reflection. When you are susceptible to low self-worth, it's important to remember what you have achieved to remind yourself that you’re not the worst person in the world and are actually doing some good.

Anyway, as we say in

Writing 4 Resilience

LEEEESSSSSGGGGGOOOOOO

Sobriety

February has been a bit of a prick in terms of sobriety. I’ve had a few hurdles to overcome. I speak about it constantly but struggle when things throw me off my routine. Earlier in the month, I spoke about the acronym H.A.L.T.S, which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired and Stressed. These are the states people in recovery find the most challenging. For me, one of the keys to remaining sober has been learning about why I get cravings and what causes them. This one was massive for me. The power that this knowledge can give you is so understated. Being able to explain away a craving can instantly calm the mind of someone in sobriety, which is a welcome change to the usual reaction of panic, which only amplifies the feeling of stress.

I’ve been struggling with a back injury all month. I’ve recently found out I have spondylolysis. Or, for people like those who struggle to pronounce that shit, Pars Defect. Whilst it fucking sucks that I have it, it’s relieving that after 22 years on again, off again issues with my back, I might finally know why I’ve always had these issues and can begin working towards repairing it.

I had a big month of work, including a week away, where I did 3,500 kilometres, had minimal sleep and didn’t stick to my usual exercise routine because I was doing so many hours while away.

When you factor in the above, throughout the month, there were times when I was HUNGRY because I was hyper-focusing on my work and not making time to eat. I was ANGRY because my stupid idiot back was broken. I was LONELY when my family were away visiting some family. I was TIRED from sacrificing sleep to get up early to get more travelling/work done to minimise the time I spent away, and I was STRESSED both about the long-term implications of my back issue and getting my work done in the time I’d allocated so I could get home as soon as I could.

I’d ticked all of the H.A.L.T.S boxes, so I would be very susceptible to cravings. I think the universe, or my mate Paul, looked after me by educating me about H.A.L.T.S at the start of the month because the timing was perfect. It wasn’t long after I learned about it that I found myself explaining away the reasons why I was, at times, feeling like a drink.

So Sobriety for February was one of the hardest months of recent times, but it was by far one of the most valuable. I learned a shitload, and what I did learn is a tool I’ll be able to stick in my back pocket for the rest of my life.

Wins

I got my sleep routine back. I spent half of January and most of February whinging like a baby about my sleep being all kinds of fucked up. I’ve since been able to reel that in, and I’m back to getting up before 5 am every day and getting at least six hours of sleep per night, and most things in life are benefiting as a result. I shouldn’t have to go away for work for a while, too, so hopefully, it’s smooth sailing from here.

I was excited to shut the Airbnb for a month to give my partner a rest after the hectic summer holiday period and the opportunity for me to paint the dog. When we bought the place, it was as though the previous owners got three-quarters of the way through painting the house and thought, fuck this, let’s sell it as is. It’s pissed me off the entire seven months we’ve lived there.

I never saw myself as someone who would enjoy painting. I thought I would fucking detest it, actually. I’m the kind of person who, if a bucket of paint is lying around, I’ll find a way to kick the bastard over.

Turns out, I actually quite like it. I found it quite cathartic and rewarding. I chucked a good book on audible and slowly poked around doing my thing. I still have some gapping and a third coat to do, but the difference so far is fucking awesome, and I’m actually a little bit proud of myself for the job I did with the smallest amount of help from my best mate, who just happens to be a painter.

Instead of dreading it, I’m excited to get down there and apply the finishing touches once the current guests check out and share the results. here’s a couple for now, though…

I also mentioned last month that I’d bought a cheap as piss guitar from amazon. 89 bones. I’ve always liked my music and wanted to learn an instrument, but my fear of failure always told me that it was something I could never do and wasn’t worth trying. I still can’t play the guitar. But for the most part, I have stuck to my promise of practising at least 20 minutes each day. There have been days where I didn’t find the time to practice, but there have been days where I have practised for well over 20 minutes, too, so I reckon I’m averaging well over 20 a day so far. I can play Polly by my all-time favourite band, Nirvana which my partner is well and truly fucking sick of, and the verse of a couple of their other songs, really fucking badly.

I get a lot out of it. It reminds me why I fell in love with skateboarding 20 years ago. There’s something so rewarding about chipping away at something, and then the penny drops. After hours of trying to understand something, all of a sudden, it all makes sense, and in that light bulb moment, you get a sense of reward like no other.

My psychologist says learning an instrument is a great thing to do. She says while practising an instrument, you focus on what you are doing right then and there. She says it’s a brilliant way to work on being present in that moment without realising. She likened it a lot to meditation or breathwork.

Learning new skills is daunting. I’m fucking, and for convincing myself, I won’t be able to do something, so why even bother. It’s something I’m going to have to keep forcing myself to do and keep forcing myself to be accountable (I added a column to my spreadsheet to tick off when I have spent 20 minutes playing the guitar). But a month ago, I thought I couldn’t paint and thought my guitar would be up on Facebook Marketplace by now.

Learning a new skill can slow cognitive ageing. It’s important for our brains not to let them go stagnant. Although not a muscle, it’s important that we look at them as one. Dementia and Alzheimers are horrible things. You/we don’t want that shit. I think it’s important to tell that fear of failure to go and fuck itself and keep challenging ourselves, but maybe the trick is to find something that is equally as enjoyable or rewarding as it is challenging?

Realisations

I realised I can stay sober when life throws turd sandwiches at me. Things aren’t always going to be perfect, but there is always a workaround. Always.

I realised that, yeah, I fuckin’ can do shit that I always thought I couldn’t, and I need to stop cowering to the fear of failure within me. Stop worrying about how others perceive my trying new things.

I realised that injuries aren’t the end of the world, and neither is having a busy period at work. I had some big running goals for the first half of the year. I wanted to get an Arthur (half-marathon) PB at the end of March and a marathon PB at the end of April. That’s well and truly gone now. While I’m back up and running and confident of finishing those events, my back could blow out again at any point and sideline me for a while, and if that happens, so be it.

Ultimately, I’ve realised everything will be okay, no matter what happens, until it’s not. And when that happens, that’s when I’ll worry about that, not now.

March Focus

I just want to return to the rhythm I was in towards the end of last year. Up early every day and stick like glue to my daily routine because I know that’s when I get the best results.

I need to focus on getting my stupid back right too, and diligently doing my stretches daily. Making sure to book and attained all appointments necessary.

As my lump of a son is starting to eat real food, taking care of my back has never been so important. My dad has a bad back, too, which limited his capacity to do things with us when we were kids. I’m not saying this to complain, and I’m sure he would agree with me on this. He wouldn’t want me to go through the same troubles he went through with his back or experience the restrictions it put on him. So I need to be patient and get it right.

What I’m Excited About

I’m excited to get the Airbnb finished. I’m excited to keep learning guitar. I’m excited to slowly start building my running up and get my back to where it needs to be.

Most of all, though, I’m excited for another month of growth and development for my son. I’m excited to share more and more real food with him and watch the impact on his development.

At six and a half months, the little bastard is starting to crawl already. Like me on the guitar, he’s fucking terrible at it, but we’re both just learning. Sadly, I think he’ll have crawling mastered long before I significantly improve the guitar. As frightening and frustrating as his newfound mobility will be, I’m happy for him. I can tell he gets the shits when he wants to get somewhere in particular and can’t quite manage it.

Lastly, and this is something that has only just come to me, I’m excited for more of the same. This is fucking huge for me. It tells me I have found a system that I am comfortable with. A system that works for me. A system that, for now at least, appears somewhat sustainable. I’ve always thought things would be better when I get there or finish this and never appreciated moments in time for what they were.

No doubt life will sling nuggets of shit at me until I’m in hell with Kurt Cobain, Tupac and Phil Hughes, but while I’m here, sober and sticking to my processes, I think I’ll be pretty sweet.

Cheers Wankers.