You Have to Give it Away to Keep it

The first alternate measure I'm putting in place to maintain my sobriety whilst I can't exercise.

Feb 16, 2023

“You have to give it away to keep it” is an old saying that many people in recovery are familiar with. It’s particularly popular among the Alcoholics Anonymous community. In particular, it pertains to the 12th step of The 12-Step Program, which says

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Earlier in the week, I wrote about how I was worried that a recent injury could jeopardise my sobriety, given how heavily I have relied on exercise to manage my mental health and maintain my sobriety (read it here). So while I’m in the process of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with my Gary Jack, I’m trying to be proactive and put alternate measures in place in case I’m not able to exercise for an extended period of time.

I’ll be the first to admit that I do not attend AA, and I have never done any of the 12 steps, so there could be some out there who think it’s naive of me to think I can jump straight to the 12th step of a program that can take well over a year to complete. To me, though, it’s about interpreting things like this however you see fit for your situation, and if I think I can take some knowledge from a program and apply it to my own circumstances to help me stay sober, then that’s what I’m going to do.

My interpretation of the saying is that whatever I have gained throughout my “journey” (I fucking hate that word) for free, I have to give it away. Otherwise, I risk losing it. To me, it means living in alignment with your values. Or in lamens terms, don’t just talk about it, be about it. Walk the walk, don’t just talk shit to appease yourself and make yourself feel good if you’re not living accordingly.

Selfishly, I need something positive to focus on as I potentially stare down the barrel of missing out on certain running events, of which I have attached some of my main goals for the year. Without a target or a goal, I struggle to work towards something. As former president of The Soviet Union, Mikhail Gorbachev, once said, “if you’re not moving forward, you are moving backward and backward, not a direction I’m keen on heading given what backward looks like for me.

I really like the premise of this saying, and I believe it should be applied to all aspects of life. Not just for addiction or recovery, and I feel like I already live by this to a degree. I often get messages from people asking about running, weight loss, sobriety, gym, growing veggies and even the odd message asking about veganism and meat or dairy alternatives, which I’m always more than happy to respond to. There is something about helping others that just makes me feel so fucking good. When someone comes to you and asks about your experience with something, and you walk away from that exchange feeling as though you may have just equipped them with some knowledge that has the potential to change even a small aspect of their lives for the better, it feels pretty fuckin’ nice.

What I haven’t done so much, though, is put myself out there so people feel welcome to ask me about anything I have done that might help them out. It’s important for me to preface this by saying I am a qualified expert in absolutely fuck all. I never pretend to know anything I don’t know or share things I have learned, believing they are the absolute truth or the singular only way of doing something. All I do is share what I have learned from my own personal experience. The things that have and haven’t worked for me.

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So I wanted to use this blog today to make it abundantly clear if there is anything anyone wants my help with, please let me know if you want to run a half marathon but can’t seem to get past that 10k mark. Maybe you want to eat less meat but don’t know where to start and want some help finding alternative proteins to throw in your favourite dish. Suppose you want to ask anything about my sobriety to date, what I have found to be helpful and what I have found to make things even harder. Whatever it is, I’m keen to help in whatever capacity I can.

Essentially, I’m asking people to ask for help. Why? because I get something from it too. I think that’s the way we should look at asking for help. I think it would make a big difference to the overall mental health landscape if people realised that when you ask someone for help, you’re not being a burden. You’re actually giving someone the opportunity to do something good for someone else. Imagine if all those people who have died by suicide were able to change their way of thinking from “I’m a burden” to “I have the opportunity to start a conversation where both people can benefit”. Maybe the world might look a little different. Maybe not, dunno, but it can’t hurt to try.

As I said, I’m an expert at absolutely nothing, but I have lost over 25 kg three times (fuckin’ whoops) but held it off for seven years now. I’ve gone from being stuck at running 10k runs to running ultra marathons. I have given up meat and dairy, and now at 34, my blood work is the best it has ever been in my life. And, of course, as of tomorrow, I have been sober for 10 fucking months. By no means am I trying to brag here. I’m a bit of a fuckin’ cowboy. I struggle to do what others tell me works. I wish I weren’t so fucking stubborn because I have discovered things that work for me years after someone else told me to give ti a go.

So I would love to help people save that time I wasted, fucking about being stubborn, refusing to learn from others’ mistakes and instead making sure I made those same mistakes that I was warned about all along.

I don’t care what it looks like. Message me on any of my socials (details below), and reply to this email or blog. I’m happy for people to text me, call me, set up google meets, handwritten fuckin’ letters, carrier pigeons, what the fuck ever. Please don’t feel like a burden or that you are hassling me. I need this as much as anyone else.

If the thought of reaching out makes you anxious or nervous or you’re feeling apprehensive, don’t worry. So am I. I write these blogs about how I feel because I struggle to discuss them in person. But I am choosing to see this situation I am in with my stupid back as an opportunity for growth and development. It’s about doing things that are outside of my comfort zone. I might not be able to keep moving forward with my running or exercise right now, but I’ll be fucked if I let this stu[pid fucking spine of me prevent me from keeping on moving forward. Why not try to drag a few people with me?

Hopefully,

I’ll hear from some of you guys soon!

Cheers Wankers.

You Have to Give it Away to Keep it

The first alternate measure I'm putting in place to maintain my sobriety whilst I can't exercise.

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