Why I Run
And how you can help me do something incredible
This Sunday will (hopefully) be the 109th time I have run a half marathon distance of 21.1k or further at the Batemans Bay - Bay to bridge Running Festival, which accompanies the Tri Batemans Bay Festival.
On Sunday, the 16th of April, I will (again hopefully) be running a marathon of 42.2k or further for the 10th time at The Canberra Times Canberra Marathon festival.
After having the healthiest and soberest Christmas period of my adult life, I had earmarked both of these events as races I would like to target a PB.
Sadly, In January, I had issues with insomnia. This completely fucked up my day-to-day routine for a fortnight or more while I wanted my medication to get sorted, and over that period, my fitness regressed significantly.
In February, I injured my back by waiting for it… standing in the house… I was watching TV standing at my computer desk, when I felt a sharp pain run up my spine to the middle of my back and then split in half at perfect right angles and push out to what my doctor described as “my flanks”. It’s since been diagnosed as Pars Defect.
This month, I’ve been battling a head cold. Nothing too bad, but something that just won’t seem to fuck off. A real lingerer. Like the arsehole who won’t leave your party no matter how much you yawn or hint that it’s time to go by getting a head start on the cleaning up.
I don’t want or expect sympathy. This is just what happens in life, and as an able-bodied, relatively healthy person who still has the ability to run, I can’t complain about these minor inconveniences.
That said, my two running goals for the year have been hijacked. Luckily, I set a sneaky little, or maybe big, third goal.
On the 10th of September, I will attempt to complete my first-ever 100k trail run at the Sri Chinmoy Canberra Trail 100.
This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time but has always been a little too afraid to sign up for. Mostly, I don’t enjoy running events, and it’s certainly not why I run. Of the 9 times I’ve run a marathon distance or more, only two of them have been at sanctioned events. Of the 108 Arthur’s (half marathons) I have run, maybe five of them have been at sanctioned events. I sign up for events because once I pay for them and register, I must do it. If I have to do it, I have to train for them. If I don’t have an event t train for, I have an excuse not to run.
Sure, the atmosphere at these events is great, and it certainly helps to motivate you as you go. Organising with a bunch of friends to all go to the same event is great too. But that’s not why I run.
All of my best runs, I have run on my own. Most of my best runs have come on days when I didn’t feel like running but went anyway. Usually, the more I have to go on in my life at the time, the better I run, or the longer I run.
Metrics are fun. It’s enjoyable when you get rewarded for your efforts in incremental improvements to the numbers on your Strava App. Seeing your average heart rate sit lower when running the same pace as last week, seeing that you’ve run more k’s in a week than ever before or your fastest ever 5k. It’s all really great shit. But not why I run.
Shit, I haven’t even mentioned the physical health benefits yet! on three occasions in my adult life, I have gained and lost 25+ kgs. Each and every time, I have used running as a major tool to help me drop the weight back off. Still, though, that’s not why I run.
I run because it calms me down. I run because it gives me the time and space to process my thoughts and emotions. I run because, for someone with an ADHD brain, it’s one of the few things I can do where it feels like my heart rate is running at the same frequency as my brain. It doesn’t matter how I feel when I start a run. good, bad, or anywhere in between. Mentally, I always feel the same after a run.
It’s not some incredible sense of euphoria or excitement. It’s certainly not a great sense of pride or achievement. I don’t feel 10 feet tall, and like I could run through a brick wall after a run. What I feel is, to me, greater than all of that.
Running makes me feel content with myself. It makes me feel like I’m not all of the bad things that my low self-esteem constantly tells me that I am. It makes me feel like I’m not a failure. Like I’m not hopeless and may add value to the people around me. It makes me feel like I’m not a fat, lazy piece of shit. It makes me feel like maybe I can be kind to myself when I put my head down that night because I have achieved something that day, albeit minor.
Running makes it feel like it’s ok to be me, and for someone whose own negative self-talk is constantly telling me the opposite, that feeling is invaluable. If someone could bottle and sell the feeling I get from running, I would trade every asset I have for as much of it as possible.
I’ve been using running to manage my mental health for fifteen years now, on and off. I’ve been running fairly consistently for roughly the last four. Until four years ago, I’d never really run more than 10k. As I became a grown-up and started doing shit like buying houses, paying bills and having kids, I’ve needed it more than ever before.
Since I got sober 11 months ago, I’ve needed running more again. Now though, I’ve found an extra incentive to keep running. I’m not a great runner. I’m built like a fridge. I’m not a fast runner. But running is something I can do, at times, for fairly lengthy periods. Given that running has been so damn good for my mental health, I want to use it because, let’s face it, it’s about all I have to try to help others too.
I have decided to start a fundraiser with Beyond Blue as a part of my journey towards my first-ever 100k run. Many people have done 100k runs before, but I fuckin’ haven’t, and we’re not here to talk about them.
The 100k is in a little under six months. I have all of winter to train for, which is optimal training conditions. Especially now I’m on the coast and away from that fucking Canberra frost and the lazy breeze that blows off the snow-covered Brindabellas. Fuck that breeze.
I’ve set the lofty target of raising $10,000 by the 17th of September, a week after I should be finishing the race. Any donation, great or small, will go a long way to helping people in need. People who, through no fault of their own, have found themselves in more challenging circumstances than most.
Selfishly, it helps me too. Because the moment someone donates a single cent I Feel obligated to get this fucker done. It gives me the accountability I need to get on with it. I’ll feel like a right dickhead if, after all this, I don’t go through with it.
So if you have a few bob spare, consider making a donation that could save someone’s life. A life that doesn’t need to be wasted. A life with so much promise and potential. You never know the impact it may have on someone’s life and/or the life of the people who love and care for them.
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LESSSSSSSS-FUCKING-GOOOOOOO!
Cheers Wankers.
X.
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If anyone is struggling in any way, make someone aware of it. Speak to a friend, family, loved one, stranger, postman, uber eats driver, or me; talk to someone.
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You never know Sam, you might just surprise yourself :) :)
Keep on keeping on, but hopefully you're getting better sleep now. If sleep and nutrition are compromised it means your immune system is working harder and as a result takes longer to rid the body of viruses.
See you in Canberra. I'm targeting an Arthur PB.