Week 8

Direct copy and paste from Twitter

Another week down. That takes it to 8. 8 weeks completely sober. Something that only 9 weeks ago was completely inconceivable to me. This week was Fuckin’ tough though.

Somewhat ironic that itv was only last week that I was talking about complacency. I struggled the most with temptation and urges to play up in the first fortnight. After that, I went on that typical “I feel amazing, I’m never drinking again” type shit.

I knew though, that feeling wouldn’t last forever. I understood that it was mostly motivated by excitement, pride and possibly a little adrenaline. I knew those things would wain with time. Still, I wasn’t prepared for the way I felt on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

It was really odd, Saturday in particular. Mid morning, I just had this overwhelming urge to get riiiiiight on it. I feel like maybe with all the house stuff going on, work being flat out due to the EOFY madness and the pressure I’ve put on myself to keep doing positive things.

The thoughts were along the lines of “it’s a long weekend, you’ve done so well, you deserve it, you can handle one weekend, you’ve got the extra recovery time”. To a degree, it’s a reasonably sound argument. If you’re gunna wind up and rip in, best to do it at a time where you

Have the extra recovery time. The issue here for me though, is that I would be rewarding myself, just for doing very regular shit. The exact same mindset that got me into the position I was in in the first place. I want to be able to drink again. I think I will, at some point

However I want to do it when I choose to. Not when I get an illogical thought pass through my head that I cave into. I want to drink socially, to enhance time spent with friends and family. For me, using drugs and alcohol as stress relief is a terrible, terrible idea.

It’s a very short term solution to a long term problem that actually only exacerbates the situation long term. So I guess until such point as those more extreme thoughts dissipate it’s best for me to just stay off it all together. One thing I’ve been working really hard at

Though has been acknowledging the thoughts that I’m having, giving them their time and understanding that they are simply that, just thoughts. We don’t control our thoughts. We only control how we react to them. I read somewhere, maybe subtle art? That thoughts are like a

24hr radio station. We don’t control the songs that get played. They just play. Sometimes in the back ground. There’s two types of songs that will grab your attention. Songs you love, and songs you hate. That struck a chord with me for some reason. It’s hard to stay “on” all

The time and remain conscious of this though. It can take just one lapse to allow one negative thought to slip through and before you know you it your deep inside your own head experiencing crippling internal conflict. I guess we just gotta keep trying? I am fortunate though

That in the last eight weeks, through honest, open conversations that were difficult to have initially, I’ve found a few amazing people who I can lean on when I’m struggling. Some of them people I’ve known for years but didn’t know they could help so much. Some are new friends.

I leant pretty hard on one of these friends on the weekend and honestly, without them, I don’t know that I would’ve managed to stay sober. It’s ok to ask for help. Have these conversations. Find yourself a couple of these amazing people who are willing to help. You are not a

Burden on them. You’ll find they actually want to help. People love you. They want the best for you. It’s ok to ask them for a chat, or a coffee, or lunch or whatever. If that helps you through a period like this, you yourself will learn a bunch of tools that will enable you to

Pass that on to someone else later down the track. The people you lean on for help once leant on someone else. Why do you think they’re so good at helping you? This shits circular, man. Anyway, I’m feeling positive again. Better for the experience of the weekend. Grateful I

Didn’t buckle. Fingers crossed for cruiser days ahead. Happy Wednesday, Bell Ends.