Week 5

Direct copy and paste from Twitter

I’m fuckin’ tired, man. Wasn’t gunna do this today. But, it’s Tuesday, I’m 5 weeks sober today and people have said they like when I do it. So, I’ll tough it out for the legends who’ve told they appreciate my sharing.

I’ve actually had a great week. The best week I’ve had in recent memory. I’ve been spending time with good people. People with values that I believe I have, want to have and an working hard to get to. I’ve gone back to running with people. Sounds ridiculous, but I’ve been

Scared to run in group settings in recent weeks for some reason. When I first started doing it last year I felt awkward and embarrassed, even though I was literally doing the same thing as everyone else who was there. Fucking ridiculous. But it’s always been a bit of a fear.

But as I knew I would, I really enjoyed it, almost as soon as I started. Positive, healthy shit, with like-minded people. Who’d have thought? I went to MY GP today to get my script for my ADHD meds and melatonin. For the first time, possibly ever, I was 100% honest with the

Doctor. I’ve wasted so much time and money on psychologist appointments in the past. Where I would go along, sit on the lounge and only tell them part truths. That, is dishonest and wasteful. Our time, my money, but most significantly, my emotional energy.

I know I’ve been taking too much melatonin of a night to get to sleep. More than I need. But it’s just easier sometimes to be lazy, take a bit more and let the medication take you to sleep, rather than just using it as an aid. I was scared to tell my doctor about it.

I didn’t want to “get in trouble”. Again, ridiculous. But that’s what our brains do to us. I forced myself to blurt it out and we established that I had definitely been using too much. He didn’t get mad, didn’t call me stupid. He was open, honest and provided and alternate

Solution for me to trial that he thought could work better for me. Again, who’d have thought? Being properly honest with a health professional could provide potential benefits!? It’s fucking wild that we are the way we are. The things we fear. We want help, solutions, results

But we’re terrified of being honest enough to attain them. No way I get to the point of being honest like I was today with the dr without the work I’ve done in the last five weeks on clearing my mind. For me, this week has been all about being honest.

Not telling people secrets, not confessing to shit you did as a kid you shouldn’t have. Just being honest with your fucking self. It’s confronting at times. It’s very hard. But nothing any of us have of value is easy to get. Nothing. Fuckin’ pumped for the 4 day weekend.

As always, thx for reading, listening, ignoring, for the platform, whatever. Gotta go to bed, gotta #STDD again tomorrow.