Week 3

Direct copy and past from Twitter

#MentalHealth Thread

: Yoooo, it’s that time of the week again where that annoying vegan cunt is gunna selfishly waffle on about what’s happened in his week and how where his heads at. Don’t care who reads it, doing this shot for me. It’s good for my head so fuck ya’s.

I’m three weeks sober today. Im wary not to make any posts like this solely about sobriety. However I genuinely couldn’t tell you the last time I went this long sober. Was probably 9-10 years ago when I went to AA for four months. So, that’s pretty cool.

I struggled quite a bit for the first week, since then though it’s been pretty cruisy. I had a massive week at work last week. 70+ hours, worked Saturday and Sunday, high stress. EOFY shit. Everyone wants everything done yesterday, constantly letting people down.

They all have want their work done when it suits them and they’re all at similar stages of their projects. Covid is still, and will for some time, have a pretty significant impact on resources at work. Just another smelly nugget circling in the shit Storm.

All that considered, my mental health has improved again this week. Maybe not by heaps, I still had moments of irrational anger and frustration. I still had moments of significant imposter syndrome, where everything felt too fucking hard and I wanted to give up.

They were shorter and less intense moments, though. I felt I was able to process them quicker, have my moment and get back to being productive sooner. I think a massive problem is that we think it’s bad to be angry. We’re led to believe that expressing or feeling emotions

Such as anger, frustration, disappointment etc is a bad thing. We literally NEED to feel them. If we didn’t need to, we wouldn’t be capable of it. It’s about reference, you won’t know that you’re happy, if you’ve never been sad. Ya wouldn’t know flowers smawt nice if ya never

smelt dog shit. In the past three weeks, that’s what I’ve noticed more than anything. I am able to confront, process and move on from the negative emotions I feel, quicker and with more ease. I think that makes sense too. Less brain fog, anxiety and stress.

Another thing I’ve noticed since prioritising this stuff is that the things causing my stress are starting to sort themselves out, almost organically. I’m days off being able to make an offer on a new house at the coast. I know exactly what I need to do to rent my house out.

I’m ready to do that as soon as I get a date to move to my new house. Finally I feel some level of preparedness and that alone reduces so much stress for me. The path is getting so much clearer as my head clears. I’ve gone to the gym every day now for maybe 19 days too.

Should I have a rest day? Of course I should. But I’m not going to the gym to look like Zyzz, or to enter the CrossFit games. At the moment, it’s about my head, and as I get better and better, I’ll rest more regularly, but this and the routine I’ve built around it have been a

Massive part of me being able to stay sober and work towards forming positive habits. I won’t be sober for the rest of my life. I know that. I’m not implying that others should be too. I fucking love “other” and alcohol. Probably more than you do. That’s why I need a break.

I figured out that as of three weeks ago I’ve spent well over $10k this year alone on “other”, alcohol, Ubers, etc. that’s probably $14k pre tax. That… is pretty fucked. Also though, it is what it is, I can’t undo it. Feeling shitty about it will only lead me back to where I was

I’m starting to see a financial benefit too. I get paid monthly. I pay all my bills then put roughly half of what’s left in savings. Every month by week 3-4 I’m starting to transfer a little bit (never all of it) back to get me through until pay day. Which is fine.

Of myself or anything I’ve achieved. Every time I’ve hit a big life goal I just feel extremely underwhelmed. Like, I want so badly to feel happy and proud of myself, but that function inside me simply doesn’t work. These little wins I’m having along the way though, are slowly

Starting to change that. I’m a tiny bit proud I’ve managed to go a whole month without pulling a little back outta my savings for the first time ever. I’m a tiny bit proud I’ve been completely sober for three whole weeks. Like I genuinely am, I feel it, and it’s nice.

I’m not just pretending I am. I like it. That’s why I think I’m still feeling motivated, because not much else can give me that feeling and I want to keep feeling it. I’m not an idiot though,(well, I am) I know there will be days where I’m not so positive. Im feeling confident

Though that I’ve spent enough time entertaining these positive habits that maybe, hopefully, they won’t bring me unstuck. If the Newcastle Knights 7 straight losses haven’t bought me unstuck, I dunno if anything will. If you’re scared to try to stop doing something you know is

Bad for you but also comforting for you, just try it. It’s never as hard or scary as you anticipate. If you don’t like it, just go back to how you were. That’s not scary. Try again later. You might be surprised by how much easier it is than you thought it would be. Anyway…

Thanks for listening, or reading, or ignoring, I really don’t give a fuck. Just wanted to write some shit down and maybe, hopefully help one person along the way. Finally, fuck Paul Kent and The Daily Telegraph. Cheers, Wankers

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