Monthly Recap, November '22
Holidays, so close, yet so far! A review of the month that's been to remind my self that it's not all bad, and I'm not that bad of a person.
Welcome to my monthly recap for November ‘22. This is only the second time I have done this so go easy on me. I’m still kind of feeling out about the best way to go about it.
These are all about me trying to see the good in myself. People with ADHD often have low self-worth. We think our problems don’t matter, and that others are more important than we are. We are often apathetic. We don’t see the good in our achievements. We often think they’re not big, fast, or strong enough. It’s a bit of a double-edged sword. Being pissed off that you didn’t run a marathon PB might fuel your desire to train hard enough to run one next time. That’s a good thing. It’s good to do a lessons-learned session after any attempt at achieving something. Identifying areas you need to improve is vital to progress. Equally vital though, is identifying what you did well. What were the steps you implemented that helped you to achieve the things that you did well? This is something a lot of us aren’t good at. It’s ingrained in us to focus only on the negative and not give ourselves enough praise for the good things we have done.
So please, don’t take any of this as arrogance or me blowing my own trumpet. I’m just trying to recognise and identify the things that I have done well over the last month. This way I can both repeat them this month, hopefully, and maybe, just maybe, feel a little bit good about myself for a change.
Sobriety
I thought given the nature of my main blog it would be remiss of me to leave out the progress I have made over the month in terms of sobriety. I remember at the start of the month I was stuck having the fucking asshole nightmares where I would be mid-way through a bender and then I would realise what I was doing. It was as though I didn’t realise that drinking and doing drugs wouldn’t mean that I was no longer sober.
I was also struggling a little bit with cravings and feeling sad that I would never get to feel all the warm fuzzy feelings that drinking and doing drugs would give me. I did a bit of work on this, this month. Learning that it was usually what happened before these events that caused them and I had been too stupid to make that link. The more I allow the shit that gets slung at me to affect me, the more likely I was to allow the cravings to get to me. Something as simple as being able to say to myself “this craving is only because you allowed yourself to get stressed over some dumb shit” can be extremely comforting in that situation. It’s a lesson I am glad I learned.
I also discovered the 15-minute theory this month. I feel like an idiot for this one too. Like I was late to the party. I really didn’t do a lot of research into this kind of stuff, haha. I have just been kind of winging it and learning as I go. Essentially though, all ravings last no longer than 15 minutes. they’re like a set of waves. They start rolling in, get bigger, peak, then dissipate, all within the space of 15 minutes. For this one, I just say to myself, “if you’re going to let this bullshit get to you and undo all your hard work because you can’t resist an urge for 15 minutes, you’re weak as piss”. That one usually does the trick.
I’m pleased to report that the dreams/nightmares, cravings, and sad feelings have weakened significantly in the back half of the month. I even went to my first Christmas party of the season, one where each year in the past I’ve really put on a show-stopping performance. I breezed through it. People drinking all around me. I didn’t even think about drinking. I wrote a bit about this in the week leading up to it. I aired my concerns publicly. I think the process of writing about them helped me a lot to deal with them on the day or even helped me deal with them prior to the event.
Slowly but surely I’m starting to learn to enjoy things, sober (more on this later). Overall, whilst it hasn’t been an easy month in terms of sobriety, I think it has been a good month because I have learned a lot and I feel like I am in a much better position now than I was at the start of the month. Handy time to make that progress, as we charge straight into the festive season, full fuckin’ noise!
Wins
Running
It’s been a great month of running for me. After swapping a lot of my running out for gym workouts earlier this year, I decided a few months ago it was time to get back into running. I started to resalise that I missed the mental benefits of the runner’s high, badly. The gym is great and all, but there is something so different and special about the mental benefits you get from running for a really fucking long time. Years ago a friend said to me that something special happens after 90 minutes of running, like the endorphins getting released start multiplying or some shit. I don’t believe there is any science behind this, but I reckon it’s true. There is something so amazing about running for a long time, especially when you’re running well. When it feels effortless and like you can run forever. You can just mentally switch off. Process your thoughts on your terms, or just not fucking think for a minute. I think that’s why I get so much from it. It’s the only thing I have ever found that truly slows my ADHD brain down.
So I started running properly again, well trying to. But I had this fucking asshole back pain there for a couple of months. Every time I would run the muscles on either side of my spine would seize up almost as soon as I would start running. I’ve never really stretched for running and I’ve always been a fucking cowboy when it comes to recovery. Turns out this had fucked up my hip flexors and hamstrings. So after a couple of months of daily stretching, persistent slow running, car seat adjustments, physio, and massage gun sessions, I started to get on top of it.
On Sunday the 6th of November I ran the second fastest Arther (half-marathon) of my life. Kind of out of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting to run nearly this quickly. It just kinda happened. I had a few hydration issues towards the end, which is a good thing because I can learn from that and it means I can run a better time if I can fix those issues next time. Shout out to Alexander for
for running most of the way with me. I'll be finishing with you next time.
I also ran my longest-ever run this month. I wrote about why here. But essentially, it was for Movember. 60 men die from suicide every hour around the world. Six Australian men die by suicide in Australia every single day. I misread the brief that said to sign up to run 60k (for the month) and thought it meant to run 60k in a day. I thought it was a bit ambitious of them to expect people to sign up for a 60k run, but I thought “fuck it”. My previous longest run was 50k, I had been running pretty well albeit not enough K’s to take on a 60k, but sometimes when you come across shit like this you just have to say yes. I’m glad I misinterpreted the instruction. As a result, I ran my longest-ever run and have raised $1,670 for Movember so far. I want to thank everyone who has donated up until this point. If you haven’t donated yet, you’re in luck! You still can! Click here to donate!
Another cool thing about it was this run was the 10th time I have run further than 42.2k (marathon distance) and the 100th time I have run further than 21.1k (half-marathon distance. Pretty cool
SBS Emerging Writers Competition
I was finally allowed to share my entry into the SBS Emerging Writers Competition this month after they pushed back the date to have entries in by. I didn’t win or get a commendation or anything like that. Maybe I swear too fuckin’ much or they didn’t like me talking about being a piss wreck, but I was pretty proud of what I wrote and how I stuck to the brief. I struggled with the word limit because I tend to prattle the fuck on a little. Overall though, it was a great experience for me. If you’d told me 12 months ago I’d be writing a blog about writing a blog about getting sober, I’d have thought you’d lost your marbles. It’s something I never would have had the courage to do 12 months ago and proves to myself that I am making progress, whether I notice it or not.
The Simple Things
I touched on it a little at the top, but I’m starting to find joy in the simple things in life, which for me is massive. As someone who never really enjoyed anything without drugs and/or alcohol getting sober was daunting. It’s been hard at times and it’s taken a long time to get here, but I am starting to enjoy the simple things in life, the small things. In fact, there have been a few occasions this last month where I genuinely feel like I have been happier than I have been in the last two years, Sober! Who’d have fuckin’ thought! Just by slowing down, taking a breath, and working on being present, I’ve been able to enjoy these moments so much more. It’s relieving and exciting. It’s relieving because It’s starting to feel like all the hard work is paying off. It’s exciting because I feel like my happiest and best days are in front of me. Brin it, fuckin’, on.
Look, Daddy, I’m A Farmer!
That’s a Tom Green quote. If you know… you know. After a Winter veggies season where I couldn’t grow anything, I am finally back to growing veggies! Something I love doing and have missed terribly. There is legitimate science that tells us getting dirt under your fingernails is good for your mental health. I believe it. I feel fucking amazing after an arvo in the garden. Click here if you want to read about it for yourself. Anyway, I’m really fucking excited to go one day without checking my zucchinis and find a couple of baseball bat-size suckers down there that taste like a fuckin’ gum tree.
Sonny Robert
Being a Dad is the fucking best
Sonny is almost 15 weeks old now. I loved him before, but man I fucking love how interactive he is now. Throughout the week I’m not lucky enough to be home when he wakes up of a morning. But when I do happen to be home for it it’s the best. He’s so fucking happy in the morning (I would be too if I just slept for 12 hours whilst intermittently suckin’ on tiddies). He is just so happy and so much fun. He’s starting to “talk” heaps. I feel like a fucking idiot for writing this but he is already so fucking cheeky and funny already. When I talk to my partner on the phone in the car and he hears my voice he starts carrying on from the back seat, the same thing when he sees my face on facetime. My favourite though is when I get home from work. He’s starting to smile, scream and kick his fat little legs around each and every afternoon when I get home. It’s just so fucking nice. I know most parents would be reading this thinking “yeah mate, we know, it’s not new”, but it is to me, and this is my blog, so fuck ya’s! I’m kidding. Love you all.
Realisations
I’ve had a couple of key realisations this month. As mentioned above, realising that it is possible to enjoy myself sober has been huge. Realising that I can enjoy things, even more than being drunk, when sober has been even bigger.
I also learned that sometimes doing something hard is the best and right thing to do. I re-homed my dogs this month and it was fucking hard. I realised though that I was being selfish. I didn’t have the time or energy to give them the lives they needed and deserved. My partner found a perfect home for each of them and both groups that we re-homed them to have been so fucking lovely about it. Sending us photos and updates, even offering for us to go back and visit them to see that they’re ok. I cried like a fucking baby when I re-homed them. I felt like I had failed them. In reality, I was failing them by not letting them go to their new, better homes.
I also realised this month that 85% of what we worry about never happens. In fact, according to the below quote from the above article, it ends up that 97% of the time, we actually have nothing to worry about.
It gets better.
Of the 15 percent of worries that came to fruition, 79 percent of the time, people handled those problems better than they thought they would. They even reported learning something valuable from the experience. Do the math, and you find that there was nothing to worry about fully 97 percent of the time.
Let me reiterate, 97 % of the things we worry about either never happen, or we handle them and possibly learn something valuable in the process. Only 3 percent of the time did peoples’ worries prove well-founded. Only, 3%! I get better returns on my stock market investments than I get on my worries — and one of those worries is, ironically, the stock market.
I don’t like when people say “don’t worry about things you can’t control”. It’s stupid. If I could control something, why would I worry about it? This article came past me at a perfect time though, and whilst I understand I will never ever live a life free of worry, I can remind myself of these stats whenever I find myself getting stressed out about shit that hasn’t yet happened.
December Focus
Like most of us, my December will be split into two very different categories. Work, and holidays. So, I’ll share what I want to focus on up until I’m finished with work for the year.
I want to keep on chipping away each and every day on my routine. The
crew has all gone spreadsheet mad. We've been comparing spreadsheets that we have built to help track how well we are performing in terms of our keystone habits. The daily things we believe we need to do to put ourselves in the best position to have a good day. So that's going to be my focus for the rest of the working year. Calorie deficit each day, more than 6 hours of sleep a night, up before 5 am each day, daily exercise, etc.
Mine isn’t nearly as professional or nuanced as
, and I don't have a fraction of the tech skills as . Me and are battlers when it comes to this stuff. What matters though is that it works. I have ADHD, I like colours and line graphs so I can see overall trajectories. All I know is, the spreadsheet is a great upgrade from the old whiteboard.What I’m Excited About
Heaps! I’m fucking pumped.
I’m pumped to finish the working year. This year has been the best, worst, hardest, and the greatest year of my life all in one. I had my meltdown in Easter, I got sober, and we moved to the coast whilst one of us was super pregnant (not me). We became parents, I started a new job. We rented out our house in Canberra and bought a second house at the coast. Real estate agents, mortgage brokers, midwives, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, new staff, new (old) boss, new neighborhood, the fucking reserve bank, and their interest rate hikes starting the same month my partner went on maternity leave and we picked up a second mortgage, it’s been a fuckin’ cunnova year!
So many ups and so many downs. So fucking busy, so much happening, but, we’re still fuckin’ ‘ere!
I can not wait to just actively do anything for two and a half weeks. Plan nothing. Wake up each day and do what we feel like doing and nothing we have to. I’m so fucking excited for my first Christmas as a dad. I’m so fucking excited about full days of test match fucking cricket into a twilight big bash game. I’m excited about leaving all the windows and doors open overnight and blasting the fan while I sleep.
Mostly though, I’m excited to spend time with my family. I am excited to watch my son develop more and more each and every day without having to miss out on anything because of stupid dumb work. I’m excited to practice tummy time with him. I’m excited for him to start rolling over and maybe even sitting up by himself. Probably sounds insane to a lot of people but this shit has me fuckin’ pumped! I love it, so much!
Let’s stay safe over the next three weeks and make sure we get through to the end of the year unscathed so we can enjoy that precious time with our loved ones.
Cheers Wankers.
x.
Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and Twitter @sbrngthghts
Guys, please, if anyone is struggling in any way, make someone aware of it. Speak to a friend, family, loved one, stranger, postman, uber eats driver, or me, just talk to someone.
Lifeline Ph: 13 11 14
Alcoholics Anonymous Ph: 1300 222 222
NSW Mental Health Line Ph: 1800 011 511
Suicide Call Back Service Ph: 1300 659 467
Mensline Australia Ph: 1300 78 99 78
Kids Helpline Ph: 1800 55 1800
You’re a bloody legend, Sam. What a year it’s been for you and your family. Keep on keeping on :)
Who wouldn’t wake up happy after a 12hr sleep and sucking on some titties! 😂😂😂
So good mate! Fucking pumped to see what the next 12 months has in store for you, and love the spreadsheet chat! We need more of it