Diagnosis' and Labels- The Rebuild Week 9

The difference between diagnosis, labels and what helps vs what doesn't.

Jun 22, 2023

Hey, Legends.

Apologies, this week’s blog is a little late. I’m down in the beautiful Mornington Peninsula for work and have been scoping work. But I’ve also stopped putting so much pressure on myself to finish my blogs by a particular day to learn to be more malleable and less rigid so I can try to be more present for my family.

Anyway, enjoy!

I was listening to a podcast the other day, which made me curious to do an online autism examination. 50 to 70% of individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) also present with comorbid attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). It’s something that I have thought about for some time but never really bothered to look into any further because I didn’t think there was really much benefit to getting an ASD diagnosis, given there isn’t much you can do to treat mild ASD or other than learn coping mechanisms to help live with it.

I know that I have some ASD traits. I get irrationally irritable over some of the most banal things. My head explodes when my partner doesn’t stack the dishwasher like a war room strategist. Often I’ll pull everything back out and restack it. I can’t help it. The same goes for my routine. If I skip a step in my morning routine, I’ll spend the entire day distracted by the constant reminder that I’ve missed a step and then believe entirely that I won’t be at my best for the day. These are just a couple of examples of some ASD traits I show.

My son is ten months old today and developing in a hurry. Given conditions such as ADHD and ASD can be hereditary, I thought it would be responsible of me to look a bit further into this so I know the signs to look for as he develops. Not so that I can load him with medication the first opportunity I get, but so that as he grows and learns, we can teach him relative to the way he learns, rather than wasting time and energy trying to force him to learn a more traditional method that is less effective for him. Knowledge is power, or whatever the fuck.

So the other morning, I thought fuck it, I’ll jump online and do an exam. The first suggested that I would have a high chance of diagnosis, and so did the second, third, fourth and so on. I wound up doing about eight different exams. All of which gave the same or similar recommendation as the first. That I would be a high chance of being diagnosed with High Functioning Autism, something I didn’t know existed until that day.

My limited understanding of High Functioning Autism led me to this summary: you are not affected intellectually, but you’re just a bit of a quirky weirdo with some peculiar traits, much like me.

Here are ten common traits of someone with HFA for anyone interested.

Emotional Sensitivity
Fixation on Particular Subjects or Ideas
Linguistic Oddities
Social Difficulties
Problems Processing Physical Sensations
Devotion to Routines
Development of Repetitive or Restrictive Habits
Dislike of Change
Focus on Self
Unusual Movement Patterns

I know what you’re all thinking, you can jump online and do an exam for anything, and it could tell you you have this or that, and you’re right. By no means am I trying to self-diagnose myself with a condition. However, given the ADHD-ASD link and my displaying some ASD traits, I think it would be irresponsible of me not to explore at least the possibilities for the sake of my son and his development. If I’m going to pass on any of these conditions to him, I want to be able to help him navigate the challenges as best I can.

Coincidently I had an appointment booked with my psychiatrist this week. I’m going to Thailand in August for a fortnight, and my ADHD medication, dexamphetamine, is illegal in Thailand, but for whatever reason, Ritalin is not. You can even legally do cocaine in Thailand if you have a prescription, but don’t even think about taking dex!

Anyway, I raised this with him, and his response was that I would “more than likely” have High Functioning Autism and that it’s something we can discuss at our next appointment. I asked him if there was any point, given there was no medical treatment for it. Instead, the best thing you can do is educate yourself and those around you about the condition and do your best to live with it. He agreed with my assessment and said it was entirely up to me.

I’ve been a bit torn about it all, the benefit is I don’t have to decide just yet, but I guess that’s why I’m writing about it, to help me figure out where I stand on it.

On the one hand, I don’t want to give myself yet another label and try to differentiate myself any further from everyone else. I’ve spent too much of my life feeling like an outcast, and after the work I’ve put in over there last 14 months, I feel closer to “normal”, whatever that is, than ever before.

On the other hand, my ADHD diagnosis turned my life around, and I think that if I do get an HFA diagnosis, it’s something I should probably be aware of, not just for my sake but for the people around me.

This is where I am having trouble with diagnosis and labels. I think the diagnosis is essential. I most certainly wouldn’t be where I am now without my ADHD diagnosis. The best way I can sum it up these days is that pre-diagnosis, I was walking around in circles with no plan, existing rather than living.'

When we label ourselves, we say I am this and only this. I think it’s limiting. It’s a reminder of all the things you can’t do or can’t do as well as others. There is a negative tone to it. Ironically, it’s the last thing someone struggling with a condition needs. I don’t think any good can come from being told, “Because of this condition, you’re bad at this and this.”

I think there is a bit of a trend where people like to label themselves because it can get them attention or sympathy. I’m not implying that everyone does this, but I think it happens. But that speaks to a deeper issue within the individual and their insecurities. I think people who label themselves and/or let a condition define them as a person are either looking for an excuse for their behaviours or have a deep psychological need to feel special. It’s not their fault, they mightn’t have received the love, care, and attention they needed as kids, and now they seek it from other sources. I know these people exist because I am one of them at times.

The benefit lies in a diagnosis and a positive attitude towards it. I have heard from friends that they are afraid of a diagnosis. A friend has told me, “I don’t want to have ADHD”. My response is always, “You don’t have a choice, you either have it, or you don’t, and not a single thing has to change once/if you are diagnosed. That’s up to you”. I find this outlook troubling because people are still separating mental health/developmental conditions from other health conditions. People with cancer or diabetes don’t want to have those conditions either. While the diagnosis can be heartbreaking, you want to know as soon s possible to begin treatment to give yourself the best chance of returning to good health.

So this is why I think I will go through with a proper examination for HFA with my psychiatrist. My ADHD diagnosis allowed me to go home confidently and do my own research about ADHD. Educate myself, my partner and my family about the condition.

For me, it’s never been about making excuses for any of my behaviours. I’ve written before about how offensive this piece of shit tried to do. But a diagnosis means you can educate yourself about your condition and stop giving yourself such a hard fucking time about how you are. Like struggling to sleep because you’re thinking about the awkward thing you said in front of some strangers at a party 15 years ago that everyone else has well and truly forgotten about.

Since I have been sober and writing these blogs, I have been learning more and more about the power of knowledge and its effect on conditions like mine.

Knowing that something that makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure is or could be due to a condition you have limited control over can bring an incredible amount of peace of mind. It also brings peace of mind to those around you. I’m fortunate to have a patient partner willing to educate herself or let me educate her about my condition. The result is that when we’re at home, and she’s talking to me, and I hear nothing of what she says, it doesn’t often end in conflict because she knows I am not daydreaming intentionally.

When I told her I’d go to the other end of the house to grab something, and I’ll be back in a minute but come back 20 minutes later because there a light bulb blew so I went and go a light bulb, realised I need something to stand on, so when and grabbed a chair, then took the light fitting off and realised it was a bit dusty so then I had to clean the light fitting, then I got a phone call that I answered before I thought “I can just call this person back after I’ve finished this job”, then finish doing the light, return the chair to where it belongs than get back to the lounge room without the fucking thing that I went to the bedroom to get in the first place, she understands that this is just something that happens sometimes. I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t think to myself, “I told her I was doing this one thing, but now I need to do this other thing, so I should tell her so she’s not still waiting on that thing, but I’m going to choose not to tell her just to piss her off”, and slowly but surely she is starting to understand that.

Ultimately I think labels are limiting. If we choose to label ourselves, it’s up to us how much power we give that label. I used to be really bad at it. There were many things that I would excuse myself from doing because I’d labelled myself an introvert or anxious, but all I was doing was limiting my ability to do something that I might enjoy.

Diagnosis’ however, is an opportunity to learn. The more we know, the better equipped we are to make better decisions, resolve conflict and ultimately have a greater understanding of ourselves and one another, which creates a much calmer environment for us all.

It’s up to each of us to interpret things however we choose. Once we realise that what others think of us doesn’t actually impact what we do daily, we have the freedom to do whatever we believe is best for us.

So if you are one of the people out there afraid of being diagnosed with a condition like ADHD, please don’t be. Nothing will change unless you want it to, but it might just be the greatest thing that’s ever happened for you.

I was terrified to tell people I had ADHD when I was first diagnosed. I was terrified of telling people that I was trying to stay sober when I first got sober. But speaking about this stuff will incrementally normalise it, and what many people don’t realise is the person you listen to the most is yourself. That’s why I write shit like this. To tell myself (and hopefully others) that everything will be okay and that I don’t need to panic. Right now, you are just fine where you are, the way you are.

Cheers Wankers.

Diagnosis' and Labels- The Rebuild Week 9

The difference between diagnosis, labels and what helps vs what doesn't.

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