DEEP DOWN WITHIN US
June 17
Welcome to Sobering Shares.
The plan for this is simple. When I come across a daily reading from my 12-Step Program of Recovery that jumps out at me, that I relate to strongly, or I feel compelled to explore a little further, I will use this space to write and share on that topic.
It won’t be every day. If reading or something within it speaks to me at the time, I’ll share my thoughts on how it pertains to my experience. You might get five in a row, then not get one for a week. We’ll see what happens.
I’d love to hear how the reading resonates with others and create a dialogue in the comments of different people’s interpretations and perspectives so we can all learn and grow together.
Ultimately though, it’ll be whatever it is meant to be.
I hope you get something from it.
We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. . . search diligently within yourself. . . . With this attitude you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55
It was out of the depths of loneliness, depression and despair that I sought the help of A.A. As I recovered and began to face the emptiness and ruin of my life, I began to open myself to the possibility of the healing that recovery offers through the A.A. program. By coming to meetings, staying sober, and taking the Steps, I had the opportunity to listen with increasing attentiveness to the depths of my soul. Daily I waited, in hope and gratitude, for that sure belief and steadfast love I had longed for in my life. In this process, I met my God, as I understand Him.
There are three words that stick out for me.
Loneliness, depression and despair.
I have a love/hate relationship with these negative emotions.
There are two people inside of me. Sam, and The Addict.
Sam hates these three emotions desperately, but The Addict, he loves them.
Because as much pain as they cause, The Addict finds comfort in their familiarity.
For The Addict, these emotions are enough to justify poor decisions and behaviours. They justify using mind-altering substances or behaviours to escape these exact emotions. The Addict is almost pleased to feel the negativity because it knows that with enough negativity, it will soon have what it desires.
When depressed, lonely, or in despair, I am susceptible to making the easy decision. I permit myself to take shortcuts, avoid doing what’s right, and find justification by telling myself it’s okay because I feel a certain way. I let my feelings dictate my actions.
The short-term solution ALWAYS makes the long-term pain worse. I know I am only delaying the inevitable, but for now, I lack the courage to do what’s right and good. The short-term solution is what The Addict wants cheap, easy thrills that will never equate to feelings of peace, fulfilment, or contentment.
That is why I need this program. To help Sam stay ahead of The Addict.
I need a daily reminder to make the next right decision at every possible turn or juncture. I must remember that self-esteem comes from doing esteemable things, which will keep that dreaded self-loathing at bay.
The solution for me to avoid feelings of Loneliness, Depression and Despair is now and always will lie in ACTION, not thinking. I CANNOT think my way into mental or spiritual or fitness, God knows I’ve tried. I need to ask myself where I can be of service to others. I must move my feet first, and my head will follow.
So just for today, I will work my program to the best of my ability to keep the Addict at bay. If I am true to my word, I can rest my head on the pillow tonight at peace, knowing that although I wasn’t perfect, I did my best with pure intentions and that’s all I can ask for.
Progress, not perfection.
Cheers Wankers.
X.
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Make sure you check out my Writing 4 Resilience friends. They’re all legends.
Running for Resilience Ben Alexander Brent Ford Running Rare The Milkbar Reflections of a Clare Bear
If anyone is struggling in any way, let someone know. Speak to a friend, family member, loved one, stranger, postman, Uber Eats driver, or me; talk to someone.
Lifeline Ph: 13 11 14
Alcoholics Anonymous Ph: 1300 222 222
NSW Mental Health Line Ph: 1800 011 511
Suicide Call Back Service Ph: 1300 659 467
Mensline Australia Ph: 1300 78 99 78
Kids Helpline Ph: 1800 55 1800
Well done Sam! It’s taken me almost 15 years of clean and sober to understand.